Narrator
Long ago, in the faraway land of Greece, there were gods and powerful heroes, but the greatest was Hercules! But what is the measure of a true hero? Ah that is where the true story begins...
Thalia
Will you listen to him? He is making this sound like a Greek tragedy!
Terp
Lighten up dude!
Cali
We’ll take it from here
Cali
We are the Muses. Goddesses of the arts... and we tell stories of heroes
Terp
Heroes like Hercules!
Thalia
Honey you mean hunk-u-les!
Cali
But our story starts way before Herc, many years ago
Muses
Back when the world was new,
the planet earth was down on its luck.
And everywhere gigantic brutes
called titans ran amok!
It was a nasty place!
There was a mess wherever you stepped.
Where chaos reigned and earthquakes
and volcanoes never slept!
And then along came Zeus-
he hurled his thunderbolt-
he zapped!
Locked those suckers in a vault!
They’re trapped!
And on his own stopped chaos in its tracks.
And that's the gospel truth!
The guy was too type a to just relax.
And that's the world's first dish.
Zeus tamed the globe while still in his youth.
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble-
that's the gospel truth!
On mount Olympus life was neat
and smooth as sweet vermouth.
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble-
that's the gospel truth!
Act 1
Scene 2
Hera
Hercules! Ah how cute he seems!
Zeus
Ah... look at him
Zeus
Let’s bring him his gift; it’s his first birthday you know
Hera
(Brings out a little dragon)
His name is Pegasus, he is all yours
Hades walks in with an evil smile on his face
Hades
Well how sentimental, you know I haven't got this choked up since I got a piece of moussaka stuck in my throat!
Zeus
So Hades! You finally made it! How are things in the underworld?
Hades
Well, they are just fine, you know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey full of dead people!
Zeus
Come on Hades, don't be stiff, and join the celebration!
Hades
Hey love to babe, but unlike you lounging up here, I have a full time gig, you know, how generously you gave to me, Zeus, so I can't, love to, but I can't
Zeus
You ought to slow down; you'll work yourself to death, ha-ha! I kill myself!
Hades
If only, if only...
Muses come back on stage as the party fades away
Cali
If there is one god you don't wanna mess with, it’s Hades
Muses
He ran the underworld,
but thought the dead were dull and uncouth.
He was as mean as ruthless-
and that's the gospel truth.
He had a plan to shake things up-
and that's the gospel truth!
Hades
Pain!
Pain
Coming your most evilness!
Hades
Panic!
Panic
Coming you most loyalness!
Pain
Pain!
Panic
And panic!
Pain and panic
Reporting for duty!
Hades
Yes, yes, yes, just let me know if the fates have arrived...
Panic
Oh well, sir they are already here
Hades
Yes, well just don't stand there, bring them in, and bring the girls in
Hades
Ladies! Ladies! I am so sorry I’m
Lach
Late
Clotho
We knew you would
Lach
We know it all
Clotho
Past
Lach
Present
Atro
And future
Hades
Great. Great. Anyway, see, ladies, I was at this party, and I lost track of—
Fates
We know!
Hades
Yeah. I know... you know. So, here's the deal. Zeus, Mr.
high and mighty, Mr. "hey, you, get off my cloud," now he has—
Fates
A bouncing baby brat!
Clotho
We know!
Hades
I know... you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept, so let me just ask:
is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover big, or what? What do you think?
Fates
We are not supposed to reveal the future!
Hades
Oh wait, I’m sorry. Time out. Can I? Can I ask you a question, by the way? Are you, (to lach) did you cut your hair or something? You look fabulous! You look like a fate worth then death
Lach giggles and blinks her eyes
Hades
Ladies please...
Lach
Fine, for you, in 18 years the planets will align, and then the time to act will be then, to unleash your monsters,
Hades
mmm...hmm good.. Great!
Clotho
Then Zeus will fall! And you will rule all!
Hades
Yes! Hades rules!
Fates
But here is warning you, if Hercules fights, he will win!
Hades
What! What? What! Okay fine, fine, I’m good, I’m ice, pain! Panic! Got a question brewing! How do you kill a god?
Pain
You can't
Panic
They are... immortal sir...
Hades
Exactly so we making the little sunspot a mortal... pain! Panic! Go steal that baby!
Cut scene to Zeus’s cloud
Pain and panic cut in, grab the baby, dropping his toy then run
Zeus
What was that?
Hera
The baby!
Zeus
Hercules! No!
Cut scene to pain and panic, they have brought him down the mountain
Panic
Now we did it! Zeus is gonna kill us!
Pain
Just hang onto the baby
Panic
Let’s just get rid of the little sucker and that'll be it
Pain
Here you go kid, a little formula d
Panic
Look he's changing! Can we do it now?
Pain
No, no, no he has to drink the whole thing!
Papa
Anyone here?
Mama
Oh you poor thing, don't cry!
Papa
Is anyone here?
Panic
Now?
Pain
Now!
Mama
Maybe our prayers have been answered, look at the name tag, Hercules...
Pain and panic come over and try to get Hercules but Hercules comes and hits him in the nose
Pain and panic
Help...help...Hades is going to kill us!
Pain
You mean, if he finds out!
Panic
Of course he'll find out...if...if... oh we are good!
Muses
And that's the gospel truth!
Cut to Hercules at the teen age
Hercules
I have often dreamed of a far off place
where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me
where the crowds will cheer when they see my face
and a voice keeps saying' this is where I’m meant to be I will find my way I can go the distance
I’ll be there someday
if I can be strong
I know every mile
will be worth my while
I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong
Hercules returns home to his mama and papa
Papa
Hercules, there is something we have been meaning to tell you
Mama
Yes, we found you late one night... by the great mountain of gods
Hercules
But I don’t understand, why was I there?
Mama
This was around your neck when you came to us; it has the symbol of the gods on it, and your name
Hercules
This is it! Don’t you see? Maybe they have the answers! I’ll go to the temple of Zeus and-- ma, pop, you're the greatest parents anyone could have, but... i-i gotta know
Hercules
I am on my way
I can go the distance
I don't care how far
somehow I’ll be strong
I know every mile
will be worth my while
I would go most everywhere to find where I belong.
Act 1
Scene 3
In the temple of Zeus, Hercules walks in with pride, but little scared to be facing and finding out what will finally happen to him
Hercules
Oh mighty Zeus! Please hear me out! Who am I? Where do I belong? (Statue of Zeus becomes alive)
Zeus
My boy! My little Hercules! (Hercules tries to run away screaming, but the powers of Zeus forbid him to go) hey, hey, hey, whets the rush kiddo? After all these years you can't say hello to your father?
Hercules
Father?
Zeus
You didn't know you had a famous father, did you?
Hercules
I don't understand... if you’re my father... I must be a
Zeus
A god.
Hercules
A god. A god! But why did you leave me, didn't you love me?
Zeus
Of course we did. But someone took you and turned you mortal, and only gods can live on mount Olympus, but if you prove you’re a true hero on earth, you can join us again
Hercules
A true hero? How exactly do I become one?
Zeus
First you must seek out philotetes
Zeus
And by the way, here is Pegasus, you probably don't remember him, but he has a bird of a brain!
Hercules
Oh thanks! I won't let you down father
Hercules walks off with Pegasus, act 1 ends
Act 2
Scene 1
Hercules comes up to the island, not sure where he is, where he lands upon seeing a big but stuck in the bushes
Hercules
What’s the matter little guy? You stuck?
Phil
Whoa, hey, butt out buddy!
Hercules
Whoa
Phil
What never seen a satyr before?
Hercules
Uh... no, can you help us, we are looking for someone named philotetes
Phil
You can call me Phil
Hercules
Boy! I am glad to meet you! I’m Hercules!
Hercules
Anyways, I need your help; I need to become a true hero
Phil
Sorry kid, can't help ya {he pulls the door, Phil closed before him and raises it in the air with one hand]
Hercules
Wait!
Phil
Whoa!
Hercules
Uh sorry, but why not?
Phil
Two words. I am retired (Hercules counts on fingers)
Hercules
But I have to! Haven’t you ever had a dream?
Phil
Yeah. Who do you think taught Jason how to sail? Cleopatra? I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, peruses, theses. A lot of "yeses." and every single one of those bums let me down. Flatter then a discus. None of them could go the distance. And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all - the build, the foot speed. He could jab, he could take a hit, he could keep on coming'. But that furshlugginer heel of his! He barely gets nicked there once and - kaboom! He’s history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I was gonna train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars... all across the sky, and people would say, "that's Phil’s boy." that's right. Eh, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.
Hercules
But I am different!
Phil
Geez, you don't give up!
Hercules
But if I don't become a true hero, I won't be able to be with my father, Zeus
Phil
Hold it! Your father is Zeus?
Hercules
Uh-huh
Phil
The big guy? He’s your daddy! Mr.
lightning bolts, read me a book, will ya'... da-da? Zeus!
Hercules
Yes!
Phil
Okay, fine, I’ll do it.
Hercules
Yes!
Phil
So when do we start? Can we start now?
Phil
Oy, vay
Phil
I’d given up hope that someone would come along
a fella who'd ring the bell for once not the gong
the kind who wins trophies
won't settle for low fees
at least semi-pro fees
but no, I get the greenhorn! I’m down to one last hope and I hope it's you
though, kid, you're not exactly a dream come true
I trained enough turkeys
who never came through
you're my only last hope
so you'll have to do
Hercules and Phil go off stage; Hercules comes back onstage with big muscles and is now an adult
Phil
Now that more like it!
Phil
I’m down to one last shot and my last high note
before that blasted underworld gets my goat
my dreams are on you, kid
go make 'em come true climb that uphill slope
keep pushing that envelope
you're my one last hope
and, kids, it's up to you yeah!
Phil
So you think you’re ready Herc! Time to go to Thebes!
Hercules
What’s in Thebes?
Phil
Lots of problems...
Walk in to see a big monster with a damsel, Meg
Phil
Looks like we have a basic d.i.d damsel in distress
Nessus
Not so fast hon.
Meg
I swear if you don't let me go...
Nessus
Whoa! I like them fiery
Hercules comes in
Meg
You don't know what you’re doing!
Hercules
Halt!
Nessus
Step aside two legs!
Hercules
Pardon me, but you... uh... have to let that damsel down...
Meg
Keep moving junior
Hercules
But... arn't you you a damsel in distress
Meg
I am a damsel. I’m in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.
Hercules
Uh ma'am, I’m afraid I’ll have to step in
Hercules gets close enough for the monster to hit him and make him fall over and stumble
Phil
Oh! What are you doing! Get your sword!
Hercules
Sword. Right...right
Phil
Concentrate, use your head!
Hercules runs up and then hits the monster with his head
Phil
All right kid! Not bad! Not exactly what I had in mind but...
Meg comes and joins Phil
Meg
Is wonder boy here for real?
Phil
Of course he is real! Oh... and sweet cheeks, i'm real too...
Meg
Ugh.
Meg walks away from Phil to join Hercules
Hercules
Are you alright miss, uh?
Meg
Megara. My friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends. So, did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?
Hercules
I’m...uh...uh...
Hercules
Hercules, *clears voice* my name is Hercules
Meg
Hercules, huh? I think I prefer wonder boy
Hercules
Well will you be okay Meg?
Meg
I’ll be all right. I’m a big, tough girl. I tie my
own sandals and everything. Bye-bye wonder boy.
Meg walks into the forest, Hercules and Phil go off stage, upon arriving, and she sees pain and panic
Meg
Ah how cute, some rodents looking for a theme park
Pain and panic
Ta-dah!
Meg
I thought I smelled a rat...
Hades walks in
Hades
Meg.
Meg
Speak of the devil.
Hades
Meg, my little flower, my little nut, Meg, what exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian to join my team for the uprising, and here I am, kind of river guardian-less.
Meg
I gave it my best shot
Hades
Fine. So, instead of subtracting two years from your
sentence, hey, I’m gonna add two on, okay? Give that your best shot.
Meg
It wasn't my fault; it was wonder boy Hercules...
Panic
Hercules... doesn't that name ring a bell?
Pain
I don't know... maybe we owe him money
Hades
What was that name again?
Meg
Hercules
Pain
Wait a minute... wasn't that the guy we were supposed to...
Pain and panic
Run for it!
Hades
So you took care of it? Dead as a doornail?
Pain
This might be a different Hercules; you know it is a popular name now
Panic
Remember, like, a few years ago every other boy
was named Jason and the girls were all named Brittany?
Hades
Hmm...Fortunately we have three of you, to fix this little incident
Cut scene to Thebes. There are people running everywhere, yelling, selling, etc
Phil
Here we are, the one and only Thebes, if you can make it here you can make it anywhere
Meg appears in town
Meg
Please help! Anyone please! There has been a terrible accident!
Hercules
Meg?
Meg
Wonder boy! Hercules! Thank goodness!
Hercules
Whats wrong?
Meg
Outside of town, two little boys, they were playing in the gorge.
There was that rock slide, a terrible rock slide. They’re trapped!
Hercules
Kids! Trapped! This is my chance!
Meg
Wows you really are choked up on this aren’t you?
Hercules
Come on let’s go!
They all run off stage
Pain (pretending to be a boy)
Help I can't breathe!
Panic (pretending to be a boy)
Hurry!
Pain (pretending to be a boy)
Get us out!
Hercules gets the boys out
Hercules
How are you boys doing?
Pain (pretending to be a boy)
We are okay now!
Panic (pretending to be a boy)
Jeepers, mister, you sure are strong!
Hercules
We’ll try to be more careful next time!
Pain and panic
We will!
Pain and panic run up to see Hades who is hidden away on the side of stage watching the charade
Hades
A stirring performance, boys, I was really moved
Pain
"Jeepers, mister?"
Panic
I was going for innocence
Hades
And hey! Two thumbs way up for our leading lady!
Meg
(Quietly) get out of there herc, while you still can
Phil
Hey! Good job boy!
Hydra appears
Phil
Uh, I hate to burst your bubble, but it looks like you have some work to do
Hercules
Uh, what is that?
Phil
Two words! Is-scary!
Hydra and Hercules start fighting
Phil
That it, that it, fight
Hercules cuts the head off
Phil
All-right!!
Hercules drops down
Phil
Are you okay, how many horns do you see?
Hercules
Six?
Phil
Close enough.
Hades
Guys, relax, its only halftime
Below hydra's head grows back
Phil
That can't be good
Hercules keeps chopping off the heads of the hydra as it keeps regaining it
Phil
Will you forget about the head slicing thing!
Hydra gets herc in a grip
Hades
My favorite part. Sudden death.
Herc falls down
Phil
There goes another one...
Hades
Game. Set. Match.
Hercules appears, finally killing the hydra
Phil
You did it kid!! You did it!
Panic
Hades mad.
Meg
Well, what do you think now?
Act 2
Scene 2
Cut to muses
CALI
From that day forward, our boy Hercules could do no wrong
Start song
CALI
Bless my soul,
Herc was on a roll
THALIA
Person of the week in every greek opinion poll
TERP
What a pro!
CALI
Herc could stop a show
Point him at a monster and you're talkin' S.R.O.
MUSES
He was a no one
A zero, a zero
Now he's a honcho
He's a hero!
He was a kid with his act down pat
Zero to hero in no time flat
Zero to hero
Just like that
When he smiled the girls went wild
With oohs and aahs
THALIA
And they slapped his face on every vase
Cali
On every "Vahse"!
MUSES
From appearance fees and royalties
Our Herc had cash to burn
Now nouveau riche and famous
He could tell you what's a grecian urn
Say amen
There he goes again
Sweet and undefeated
And an awesome ten for ten
Folks lined up just to watch him flex
THALIA
And this perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs
MUSES
Hercie, he comes, he sees, he conquers
Honey, the crowds were goin' bonkers
He showed the moxie brains and spunk -- yeah!
From zero to hero
A major hunk
Zero to hero
And who'd have thunk...
MUSES
Who put the glad in gladiator?
Hercules!
Who's darin' deeds are great theater?
Hercules!
Is he bold?
No one braver!
Is he sweet?
Our favorite flavor!
Hercules(My man)!
Hercules!
Hercules!
Hercules! (Look at my)
Hercules!
Hercules!
Hercules!Bless my soul,
Herc was on a roll
Undefeated
Riding high
And the nicest guy
Not conceited
He was a nothing, zero, zero
Now he's a honcho, he's our hero!
He hit the heights at breakneck speed
From zero to hero
Herc is a hero
Now he's a hero
CALI
Yes,Indeed
Cut to the underworld
HADES
I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him. And it doesn't even--
Pain is wearing Hercules trademark sandels
HADES
What are those?
PAIN
Uhm, I don't know, I thought they were kinda, dashing..
HADES
I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been
setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke and you are wearing his merchandise!!!
Panic interrupts him by having some cola--which is trademarked by Hercules
PANIC
Thirsty?
Hades gets very mad
MEG
Looks like your game's over. Wonderboy is hitting every curve you throw at him.
HADES
Oh yeah.. I wonder if maybe I haven't been
throwing the right curves at him. Meg, my sweet.
MEG
Don't even go there.
HADES
See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness I mean for what?
Pandora, it was the box thing, for the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? We simply need to find out Wonderboy's.
MEG
I've done my part--get your little imps
HADES
They couldn't handle him, I need someone who can handle him as a man
MEG
No way
HADES
Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into the jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?
MEG
Look I learned my lesson, okay?
HADES
Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down wonder breath and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos (he whispers at her ear), your freedom.
Cut to Hercules, some fan girls are running after him, Hercules hides behind a curtain
MEG
Let's see who could be behind curtain number 1
HERCULES
Meg! Gee, its great to see you, I,I,I missed you
MEG
So this is it? The life of a hero?
HERCULES
Well.. I'm no hero, you can't go anywhere without being mobbed
MEG
You sound like you could use a break,Think your
nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?
HERCULES
Well..yes, but Phil..
MEG
Ah, Phil, Shmill.. Just follow me. Out the window,
round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone.
Cut to nighttime
Both cut in, laughing, giggling
HERCULES
I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.
Meg
Yeah. Neither did I.
HERCULES
Thanks Meg.
MEG
Oh don't thank me yet, ( Meg falls) Ouch!
HERCULES
(Holding Meg from falling again)Ooops, careful!
MEG
Sorry weak ankles
HERCULES
Well then you better sit down
HERCULES
You know, when I was a kid I, I would
have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.
MEG
To be petty and dishonest?
HERCULES
Everybody's not like that
MEG
Yes they are
HERCULES
You are not like that
MEG
How do you know what I'm like?
HERCULES
All I know is.. You're the most amazing person with... weak ankles I've ever met.Meg, when I'm with you I-I don't feel so... alone.
MEG
Sometimes its better to be alone
HERCULES
What do you mean?
MEG
No one can hurt you
HERCULES
Oh I would never hurt you Meg
MEG
And I don't wanna hurt you, so... let's both do
ourselves a favor and.. stop this... um.. before... we--
They both go close embracing almost a kiss but before that can happen, Phil steps in
PHIL
All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over! I been lookin' all over this town!
MEG
Calm down, it's my fault
PHIL
You are already on my list sister, so don't make it worse
MEG
(To Hercules)I'm sorry
HERCULES
Ah, He'll get over it
Cut to song I won't say I'm in Love
MEG
You'd think I'd learn by now..
MEG
If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history been there, done that!
Muses come in
MUSES
Who d'ya think you're kidding?
He's the Earth and Heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden, honey,
We can see right through you
MEG
Oh no!
MUSES
Girl, you can't conceal it
We know how you feel and
Who you're thinkin' of
MEG
Oh-no, no chance, no way,
I won't say it, no, no
MUSES
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh?
MEG
It's too cliche, I won't say I'm in love
MUSES
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, oo-oo-oo
Meg
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out...
MUSES
Ahhh..
MEG
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dyin' to cry your heart, oh
MUSES
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feelin'
Baby we're not buyin' hon,
We saw you hit the ceilin'
Face it like a grownup
When you gonna own up that you
Got Got Got it bad
MEG
Oh, no chance, no way,
I won't say it, no, no
MUSES
Give up, but give in,
Check the grin, you're in love
MEG
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
MUSES
You're doing flips, read our lips
You're in love shoo-doo, shoo-doo
MEG
You're way off base,
I won't say it Get off my case,
I won't say it
MUSES
Girl, don't be proud,
it's okay, you're in love
MEG
Oh.. At least at loud
I won't say I'm in love...
MUSES
Shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo, shoo-doo Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la Haaa
Hades appears
HADES
Hey, what's the buzz, huh, Meg? What is the weak link in the Wonderboy's chain?
Meg
Get yourself another girl, I'm through.
Hades
I'm sorry. Do you mind runnin' that by me again? I must
have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.
Meg
Then read my lips! Forget it!
Hades
Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. Aren't we
forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? I own you!
Phil enter to the side of the stage
Hades
You work for me!
Phil
That kids gonna be doing laps for the rest of his life
Hades
If I say, "sing", you say, "hey, name that tune" If
I say, "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter" you say—
MEG
Medium or well done
PHIL
Oh! I knew that dame was trouble. This is gonna break the kid's heart.
MEG
I'll work on that.
Phil runs off
HADES
I'm sorry.. You hear that sound? That's the
sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever
Meg
I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.
HADES
I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy.
MEG
This one is different!He's honest, and-and he's sweet! He would never hurt me!
HADES
He's a guy!
MEG
Besides, oh, oneness, you can't beat him. He has no weaknesses, he's gonna—
HADES
I think... he does, Meg. I truly think... he does.
Cut to Hercules training
Phil walks in
HERCULES
Hey Phil!
PHIL
Kid,We got to talk
HERCULES
Oh, Phil, I just had the greatest day of my life!
I-I can't stop thinking about Meg. She's something else.
PHIL
Kid! I'm tryin' to talk to ya!
PHIL
Listen to me! Meg's--
HERCULES
A dream come true?
PHIL
Not exactly
HERCULES
More beautiful then Aphrodite?
PHIL
Aside from that
HERCULES
The most wonderful--
PHIL
She's a fraud!!! She's been playin' ya for a sap!
HERCULES
Aw, come on. Stop kiddin' around
PHIL
I'm serious kid!
HERCULES
I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to—
PHIL
Kid, your missing the point
HERCULES
The point is - I love her.
Phil
She don't love you.
HERCULES
You're crazy
PHIL
She's nothin' but a two-timin',
HERCULES
Stop it!
PHIL
no-good, lyin', schemin'—
Hercules hits Phil
HERCULES
Shut up!
PHIL
Okay, okay, that's it. You won't face the truth? Fine.
HERCULES
Wait, where are you going
PHIL
I'm going home.
HERCULES
Fine! G-- Go! I don't-- I don't need you.
Phil goes off stage, Hercules continues training, Hades appears
HADES
Geez Louise! What got his goat, huh? Baboom.
Name is Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi. How ya doin'?
HERCULES
Not now, okay?
HADES
Hey, hey, I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker, all right? See, I've got the major
deal in the works. A real estate venture, if you will. And Herc, you little devil you, may I call you
Herc? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of it.
HERCULES
You've got the wrong dude
HADES
Hear me out, ya little-- heh-heh. Just-- hear me out, okay? So I would be eternally grateful if you would just... take a day off from this hero business of yours. Geez, I mean, monsters, natural disasters. Phew You wait a day, okay?
HERCULES
You're out of your mind.
HADES
Not so fast, because, ya see, I do have a little leverage... You might wanna know about.
Hades snaps his fingers and Meg drags in
HERCULES
Meg!
MEG
Don't listen Herc--
HERCULES
Let her go!
HADES
Here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours, okay? Say, the next 24 hours and Meg here is free as a bird and safe from harm. We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d'ya say? Come on.
HERCULES
People are, are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
HADES
Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh? Isn't Meg -- little smoochy face -- isn't she more important than they are?
HERCULES
Stop it!
HADES
Isn't she?
HERCULES
You swear she'll be safe from any harm?
HADES
Fine, okay, I'll give you that one. Meg is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine print, boilerplate, baboom. Okay? We're done, what d'ya say we shake on it? Hey, I really don't have, like, time to bat this around. I'm kind of on a schedule here, I got plans for August. Okay? I need an answer, like, now. Going once, going twice
HERCULES
All right!
HADES
Yes, we're there! Bam!
HERCULES
You may feel just a little queasy, it's kinda natural. Maybe you should sit down. Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. isn't it just peachy? Oh! You'll love this. One more thing. Meg, babe. A deal's a deal. You're off the hook. By the way, Herc. Is she not, like, a fabulous little actress?
MEG
Stop it.
HERCULES
What do you mean?
Hades
I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. Duh.
HERCULES
You're-- you're lying!
HADES
Couldn't have done it without you, sugar, sweetheart, babe
MEG
No! It's not like that! I didn't mean to-- I-I couldn't-- I-- I'm so sorry.
HADES
Well, gotta blaze. There's a while cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it. So much for the preliminaries, and now on to the main event!
Cut to the Titans, and Hades
HADES
Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there?
Titans
Zeus!
HADES
And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?
TITANS
Destroy him!
HADES
Good answer
Rock Titan
Crush Zeus!
Ice Titan
Freeze him!
Fire Titan
Melt him!
Tornado Titan
Blow him away!
TITANS
Zeus!
HADES
Uh guys. Zeus would be that way (points the other way)
TITANS
Zeus!
ICE TITAN
Freeze him!
HADES
Hold it bright eye
ROCK TITAN
I have a special job for you my optic friend
Cut to Zeus's cloud
ZEUS
The Titans have been released, sound the alarms, its time to battle!
Cut to Hercules and Meg
Meg
What are you doing? There is danger, you could be killed
HERCULES
There are worse things.
MEG
(To Self)I gotta find Phil, maybe he can knock some sense into him
Meg finds Phil
Meg
Phil! Phil! Hercules needs your help
PHIL
What does he need my help with when he has you?
MEG
He won't listen to me
PHIL
Good! He finally learned something
MEG
Okay! Okay I know! But if we don't help him, he'll die
Cut to Zeus
ZEUS
I need more thunderbolts
Suddenly Hades storms in
HADES
Zeusy! I'm home!
ZEUS
Hades! You're behind this
HADES
You are correct, sir
Cut to Hercules
PHIL
Hercules!
HERCULES
Phil.
PHIL
Come on, kid, come on. Fight back. Come on, you
can take this bum, This guy's a pushover, look at him
HERCULES
You were right all along, Phil. Dreams are for rookies.
PHIL
No, no, no, no, kid, givin' up is for rookies. I came back 'cause
I'm not quittin' on ya. I'm willing to go the distance, how 'bout you?
Rock Titan grabs Hercules
ROCK TITAN
Me bite off head!
Hercules fights back, eventually Meg gets hurt
HERCULES
Meg! No! What's happening?
Hercules strength comes back
MEG
H-Hades deal is broken. He promised I wouldn't get hurt.
HERCULES
But Meg, why?
MEG
Oh. People always do crazy things... when they're in love.
HERCULES
Are you... always this articulate? You,
you haven't got much time. You can still stop Hades.
PHIL
I'll watch over her Kid, you go
Cut to Zeus
ZEUS
I swear to you Hades, when I get out of this--
HADES
I'm the one giving orders here, bolt boy, I think I'm gonna like it up here
HERCULES
Don't get too comfortable, Hades
HADES
Get them Titans!
Hades and The Titans, and the Gods, and of course Hercules fight
HADES
Guys, get your titanic rears in gears and kick some olympian butt!
Hercules with his great powers throws all the Titans off stage
ZEUS
High five!
HERCULES
Yes!
HADES
Thanks a ton, Wonderboy. But at least I've got one
swell consolation prize -- a friend of yours who's dying to see me.
HERCULES
Meg!
The fates cut the string of life that Meg was hanging on by, and Meg is dead
Cut to Hercules,Meg,and Phil
HERCULES
Meg, Meg, No..
PHIL
I'm sorry kid, there are some things you just can't choose
HERCULES
Yes I can.
Cut to underworld
HERCULES
Where is she?
HADES
Oh, Wonderboy, you are too much.
Hercules grips Hades
HERCULES
Let.Her.Go.
HADES
Get a grip! Come here, come here. Let me show you around.
They walk around
HADES
Hmph. Well, well. It's a small underworld after all, huh?
They come to a shore of a river and they see Meg in it
HERCULES
Meg! Ahh!
He puts his hands in the water and they instantly become old
HADES
No, no, no. Mustn't touch. You see, Meg's running
with a new crowd these days. And not a very lively one, at that.
HERCULES
You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
HADES
Oh, well. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
HERCULES
Going once!
HADES
Hmm.. Is there a downside to this?
HERCULES
Going twice!
HADES
Okay, okay, okay, okay. You get her out - she goes, you stay.
Hercules dives
HADES
Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead
before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?
Hercules swims, turning older and older. The Fates goes to cut the thread of life, but it suddenly shines and the scissors don't cut it.
ATRO
Oh?
LACH
What is wrong with these scissors?
CLOTHO
The Thread won't cut
Shining and your again Hercules floats out from the river with soul of Meg
HADES
This is-- this is impossible! You, you, you can't be alive! You'd have to be a, a—
PAIN AND PANIC
A god!
HADES
Hercules, stop! You can't do this to me. You can't--
Hercules hits Hades
HADES
Fine, okay, listen. Hah! Okay, well, I deserved that, Herc, Herc, Herc. Can we talk? Y-Your dad, he's a fun guy, right? So maybe you could put in a word with him and he'd kinda blow this whole thing off, you know? Meg, Meg, talk to him, a little schmooze--[Hercules hits Hades stronger and he flies away into the river of death. Souls try to drown him] Eew! Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me! Ooh, ah—
PAINC
He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.
PAIN
You mean, if he gets outta there.
PANIC
If. If is good.
Meg comes back to life
MEG
Wonderboy,what--why did you?
HERCULES
Huh. People always do crazy things... when they are in love.
Cut to Zeus's Cloud
Gods
Three cheers for the mighty Hercules!
HERA
Oh we are so proud of you!
HERCULES
Mother.
ZEUS
Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.
HERA
You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman.
ZEUS
For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but
by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.
Gods try to push Hercules into the great party, while Meg is left behind
MEG
Congrats Wonderboy, you'll be one heck of a god!
Hercules turns around and see her leaving
HERCULES
Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of. But...
Hercules goes and takes Megs hand
HERCULES
A life without Meg, even an immortal life, would be... empty.
I-- I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong.
Meg and Herc hug
Zeus Nods
ZEUS
Hit it Ladies!
MUSES
Oh, gonna shout it from the mountaintops
A star is born!
It's the time for pulling out the stops
A star is born!
Honey, hit us with a halleilu
That kid came shining through
Girl, sing the song
Come blow your horn
A star is born!
He's a hero who can please the crowd
A star is born!
Come on, everybody shout out loud
A star is born!
Just remember in the darkest hour,
Within your hear's the power So don't lose hope When you're forlorn
Strong Man
That's Phil's Boy!
Everyone
Just keep your eyes Upon the skies
Every night,
A star is right in sight,
A star is burning bright,
A star is born
A star is born
Curtain Call while still singing
EVERYONE
Like a beacon in the cold dark night
A star is born!
Told ya everything would turn out right
A star is born!
Just when everything was all at sea
The boy made history
The bottom line
Bottom line!
He sure can shine
He can shine!
His rising sign is Capricorn
He knew how to
He had a clue
Telling you
A star is born!
Here's a hero who can please the crowd
A star is born!
Come on, everybody shout out loud
A star is born!
Just remember in your darkest hour
Within your heart's the power
For making you
A hero too
(A hero too)
So don't lose hope
When you're forlorn (No, no!)
Just keep your eyes
Upon the skies
Every night,
A star is right in sight,
A star is burning bright,
A star is born!
beautiful
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